Augusta Military Divorce Attorney - Divorce, American style
A management beef splits a theater company in two.
By Christopher Piatt
SPLIT DECISION Paparelli saw most of his ensemble walk out.
Fully twenty-three artists from the 27-member ensemble of American Theater Company recently seceded from the company, citing irreconcilable differences with critically favored artistic director PJ Paparelli. The 24-year-old group’s émigrés include such distinguished actors as Carmen Roman and Kate Buddeke.
The mass exodus from the 501c3 company illustrates a much larger longtime tension in an industry full of artist pals who set up nonprofits to produce plays for themselves to star in. The public divorce of the ATC ensemble (those who left have re-formed under the group’s original name, American Blues Company) is a PR black eye for Paparelli, who came to ATC from Perseverance Theatre in Alaska in late 2007. In the outraged comments section of the Chicago Tribune’s blog the Theater Loop, where Chris Jones first posted the story March 26, a series of accusations from both anonymous and self-identifying voices have pegged Paparelli as a carpetbagging opportunist with diabolical plans to hijack the company. “It’s been a disappointment, and very disruptive for next season,” Paparelli says.
But our research reveals that Paparelli, while prickly to some and plain uncommunicative to others, inherited a business model that may have been unsustainable. Rarely in recent years has it been so publicly demonstrated that maintaining a democratic, artist-run theater and running a healthy, functional nonprofit can be mutually exclusive.
After talking with several ensemble and board members, former office staff members and Paparelli himself, it became clear that an internal breakdown of communications, spurred by Paparelli’s insistence that he be the only channel through which the ensemble, board and staff addressed one another, hastened the split. But if Paparelli’s disciplinarian routine prompted the breakaway, the board welcomed his new-sheriff behavior.
Macie Huwiler, an ATC board member of 13 years, but also a pal and admirer of everyone in the ensemble, says the separation of powers Paparelli began instituting was long overdue. The board was looking for someone who could communicate on behalf of the artistic collective rather than being approached directly by ensemble members who saw the nonprofit as an open-borders utopia.
“Interference from the ensemble has been an issue ever since I’ve been a part of the organization. It’s an uneasy truth,” says Huwiler, who’s served through the tenures of four artistic directors. “The board’s main objective is fiscal responsibility, and the ensemble grew this board and the administrative staff at its own behest. But I think a lot of them look at it all now and think, This isn’t what I signed up for.”
Certainly the ensemble members started thinking that last spring, when Paparelli pushed a charter clause on the group that allowed for the expulsion of company members. Last month, after various private disagreements among Paparelli, the ensemble and the board, longtime ensemble members Stef Tovar and Gwendolyn Whiteside were asked by the board to leave ATC—a first for the company. Buddeke, meanwhile, received walking papers via an e-mail from the board. Those expulsions, along with Paparelli’s refusal to consider a project several ensemble members were pushing as a 25th-anniversary group vehicle for next season, prompted the rush for the exit.
“The board said PJ couldn’t do his job unless three people left,” says defecting ensemble member Tania Richard. Paparelli also asked the board to tell the ensemble not to contact him while he made the final season selection. “At that point, we were allowed no communication with him, so our hands were tied. We had to stand as a group.”
Richard says the internal tension came from the ensemble’s feeling that Paparelli was taking away its artistic voice and not, as has been rabidly argued on the Theater Loop, because the group was resisting his efforts to diversify the programming. (Paparelli confirms this. “No one in the ensemble is racist. That’s been ridiculous.”)
In fact, the galvanizing quality of Paparelli’s programming seems to be the one thing everyone, even the most righteously angered ATC refugees, can agree on. (“Speech and Debate [Paparelli’s first ATC show] was great,” Buddeke generously allows.) Upon arriving in Chicago, Paparelli rejuvenated ATC’s lineup with Itamar Moses’s death-row fantasy Celebrity Row, the Tectonic Theater Project’s sprawling Jonestown docu-play The People’s Temple and, especially, a collaboration with Congo Square that paired Sam Shepard’s hitherto all-white True West with Suzan-Lori Parks’s African-American Topdog/Underdog and then daringly flipped the casts.
The increased range in race, age and cultural perspective that Paparelli’s civically engaged programming has brought to ATC, which had mostly showcased its actors with classics and typical regional-theater fare, has led to a generous increase in foundational support. According to Huwiler’s co–vice president, Jeff Morof, courting foundations became easier when the programming became less standard. “I had a hard time getting [corporate funders] to come see I Do! I Do! and Born Yesterday,” Morof says. And, like Huwiler, he appreciates that Paparelli has final say in artistic matters. “At the end of the day, someone has to make a decision,” Morof says, referring to the Wild West backstage drama inherent in any collective creative endeavor.
All parties we spoke with agree that the split, while painful, is the best for both companies. Paparelli can continue the exciting work he’s begun, while American Blues can resume a more democratic style of leadership.
The vilifying of Paparelli has come in part from the contrast between the humbled, reverent, media-darling enthusiasm Paparelli has so frequently and publicly trotted out for his newly adopted city, and on- and-off-the-record accounts of his calculated, divisive machinations behind the scenes. But as with so many Chicago companies built primarily to showcase actors, the unruly combo of a vocal artistic ensemble, an administrative staff and a legally accountable board of directors has made ATC a long-simmering pressure cooker.
In business terms, the old Chicago family recipe for ensemble theater might have a basic flaw: too many chefs.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Augusta Military Divorce Lawyer - Kevin and Tammy Garner's Divorce Papers
Augusta Military Divorce Lawyer - Kevin and Tammy Garner's Divorce Papers
Amber Stuart - WHNT Reporter
DECATUR, AL - Investigators may not know what was going through Kevin Lee Garner's mind, but we know one thing Kevin and his estranged wife had a divorce trial scheduled at the Morgan County Courthouse for Tuesday at 1:30.
Divorce is one of the ugliest situations Sheriff Greg Bartlett sees during a days work.
And Kevin and Tammy Garner were going through one.
"People are at the edge during a divorce time and that's what is shocking to the public, but we see this day in and day out," said Sheriff Greg Bartlett. "We don't see the shootings that type of thing. We see the tempers on edge. They can't seem to cope with the situation."
Besides the recent divorce papers filed Kevin had a clean record.
"We had no domestic record that we could find," said Sheriff Greg Bartlett.
Divorce papers state Kevin Lee Garner had been both physically and emotionally abusive of Tammy and extremely controlling throughout their marriage and growing worse in recent years.
In the counterclaim, the papers state Tammy committed several acts of adultery during the marriage that contributed to the marital discord.
Also, it states that Tammy misappropriated $38,000 from the couples joint banking account last May.
Kevin's attorney Jerry Knight didn't want to talk on camera because he's still grieving.
"I was terribly shocked, shocked beyond comprehension, had no suspicion that he was capable of doing what he apparently did," said Jerry Knight.
Knight talked to Kevin's parents Tuesday. They've lost they're only two children and only two grandchildren.
"She was just absolutely devastated," said Knight.
Knight always knew Kevin Garner to be an all American guy.
"He was a perfect gentleman during the time he interacted with my office. He was cooperative. He dearly loved his daughter," said Knight.
He says he never saw the events coming.
"I never saw any derangement of any kind," said Knight.
Kevin Garner's sister, Karen Beaty, who was also killed, was in town from the Saint Louis area to testify in the divorce proceedings against her brother.
Kevin and Tammy had been married for 22 years.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Amber Stuart - WHNT Reporter
DECATUR, AL - Investigators may not know what was going through Kevin Lee Garner's mind, but we know one thing Kevin and his estranged wife had a divorce trial scheduled at the Morgan County Courthouse for Tuesday at 1:30.
Divorce is one of the ugliest situations Sheriff Greg Bartlett sees during a days work.
And Kevin and Tammy Garner were going through one.
"People are at the edge during a divorce time and that's what is shocking to the public, but we see this day in and day out," said Sheriff Greg Bartlett. "We don't see the shootings that type of thing. We see the tempers on edge. They can't seem to cope with the situation."
Besides the recent divorce papers filed Kevin had a clean record.
"We had no domestic record that we could find," said Sheriff Greg Bartlett.
Divorce papers state Kevin Lee Garner had been both physically and emotionally abusive of Tammy and extremely controlling throughout their marriage and growing worse in recent years.
In the counterclaim, the papers state Tammy committed several acts of adultery during the marriage that contributed to the marital discord.
Also, it states that Tammy misappropriated $38,000 from the couples joint banking account last May.
Kevin's attorney Jerry Knight didn't want to talk on camera because he's still grieving.
"I was terribly shocked, shocked beyond comprehension, had no suspicion that he was capable of doing what he apparently did," said Jerry Knight.
Knight talked to Kevin's parents Tuesday. They've lost they're only two children and only two grandchildren.
"She was just absolutely devastated," said Knight.
Knight always knew Kevin Garner to be an all American guy.
"He was a perfect gentleman during the time he interacted with my office. He was cooperative. He dearly loved his daughter," said Knight.
He says he never saw the events coming.
"I never saw any derangement of any kind," said Knight.
Kevin Garner's sister, Karen Beaty, who was also killed, was in town from the Saint Louis area to testify in the divorce proceedings against her brother.
Kevin and Tammy had been married for 22 years.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Augusta Military Divorce Attorney - Divorce court no place for frozen dog sperm flap
Augusta Military Divorce Attorney - Divorce court no place for frozen dog sperm flap
Associated Press
PONTIAC, Mich. - The judge wondered if she was an unwitting participant in an episode of "Candid Camera" or "Punk'd."
Oakland County Family Court Judge Cheryl Matthews wasn't. She just had a front-bench seat Wednesday for a feud between a divorced couple over who gets frozen sperm from bull mastiffs they bred in happier times.
When Anthony and Karen Scully split in 2002, they divvied up the six bull mastiffs they owned. He kept four; she took two. Now, they're fighting over who owns the semen from Cyrus, Regg and Romeo that's being stored at a center in Sterling Heights.
Matthews apparently didn't think her court had a dog in this hunt. The Detroit Free Press reports she referred the case to civil court.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Associated Press
PONTIAC, Mich. - The judge wondered if she was an unwitting participant in an episode of "Candid Camera" or "Punk'd."
Oakland County Family Court Judge Cheryl Matthews wasn't. She just had a front-bench seat Wednesday for a feud between a divorced couple over who gets frozen sperm from bull mastiffs they bred in happier times.
When Anthony and Karen Scully split in 2002, they divvied up the six bull mastiffs they owned. He kept four; she took two. Now, they're fighting over who owns the semen from Cyrus, Regg and Romeo that's being stored at a center in Sterling Heights.
Matthews apparently didn't think her court had a dog in this hunt. The Detroit Free Press reports she referred the case to civil court.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer - Divorce deadly for kids: Study
Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer - Divorce deadly for kids: Study
TORONTO: Divorce always plays havoc with children's education and its emotional impact on younger children is far worse than that on older children, says a new research.
A study by two Canadian universities- the University of Alberta and the University of Manitoba- warns parents to consider the deadly consequences of their divorce decision on the education and over-all life of their children.
School drop-out rates are much higher among children whose parents divorce than those whose parents stay together, according to the study which looked at the long-term impact of disrupted family life on children.
The study found that the consequences were far worse for children whose parents went through two or more divorces.
Chances of such children completing school education dropped by about 50%, compared to those coming from stable families, the study said.
"This is a long-run picture, where we can look at number of changes a child experiences and link it to how they finish up as they enter into young adulthood,'' Alberta university divorce expert and study co-author Lisa Strohschein was quoted as saying.
As part of their study, the researchers looked at the data on more than 9,400 children born or adopted in two-parent families in 1984.
Then they tracked these children to 2004 (when they were 20 years old) to find out what happened to them in their life.
The researchers found that out of these 9,400 children, 7,569 saw no divorce in the family, 1,325 saw one divorce and 172 lost one parent. Another 285 children saw two divorces and 52 three divorces.
They found that 78.4% of children whose parents didn't divorce completed high school. But only 60% of children who saw one or two divorces in their families completed high school.
The study also found the impact of divorce was worse on younger children than older children as they don't have the emotional skills to deal with the trauma.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
TORONTO: Divorce always plays havoc with children's education and its emotional impact on younger children is far worse than that on older children, says a new research.
A study by two Canadian universities- the University of Alberta and the University of Manitoba- warns parents to consider the deadly consequences of their divorce decision on the education and over-all life of their children.
School drop-out rates are much higher among children whose parents divorce than those whose parents stay together, according to the study which looked at the long-term impact of disrupted family life on children.
The study found that the consequences were far worse for children whose parents went through two or more divorces.
Chances of such children completing school education dropped by about 50%, compared to those coming from stable families, the study said.
"This is a long-run picture, where we can look at number of changes a child experiences and link it to how they finish up as they enter into young adulthood,'' Alberta university divorce expert and study co-author Lisa Strohschein was quoted as saying.
As part of their study, the researchers looked at the data on more than 9,400 children born or adopted in two-parent families in 1984.
Then they tracked these children to 2004 (when they were 20 years old) to find out what happened to them in their life.
The researchers found that out of these 9,400 children, 7,569 saw no divorce in the family, 1,325 saw one divorce and 172 lost one parent. Another 285 children saw two divorces and 52 three divorces.
They found that 78.4% of children whose parents didn't divorce completed high school. But only 60% of children who saw one or two divorces in their families completed high school.
The study also found the impact of divorce was worse on younger children than older children as they don't have the emotional skills to deal with the trauma.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Augusta Military Divorce Attorney - Nevada governor's divorce papers claim infidelity
Augusta Military Divorce Attorney - Nevada governor's divorce papers claim infidelity
The estranged wife of Gov. Jim Gibbons accuses him of being untruthful about two extramarital affairs. He filed for divorce in May.
Associated Press - Reno — Gov. Jim Gibbons' estranged wife accuses him in divorce papers of having extramarital affairs with a former Playboy magazine model and another woman to whom he sent hundreds of text messages last year.
The Republican governor has been untruthful about his "infidelity" with the two women, Dawn Gibbons contends in a divorce filing that was unsealed Monday by a court order in Washoe County Family Court.
The governor has insisted that both women were just friends. He filed for divorce in May, citing "incompatibility" with his wife.
In court papers, Dawn Gibbons identified one of the women as Kathy Karrasch, who over several weeks received more than 860 text messages from the governor on his state cellphone.
The governor publicly apologized and reimbursed the state $130. He denied that the messages were "love notes."
The court documents identified the second woman as Leslie Durant, who once posed in Playboy and is the former wife of ex-Reno Mayor Pete Sferrazza.
Jim and Dawn Gibbons were married in June 1986.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
The estranged wife of Gov. Jim Gibbons accuses him of being untruthful about two extramarital affairs. He filed for divorce in May.
Associated Press - Reno — Gov. Jim Gibbons' estranged wife accuses him in divorce papers of having extramarital affairs with a former Playboy magazine model and another woman to whom he sent hundreds of text messages last year.
The Republican governor has been untruthful about his "infidelity" with the two women, Dawn Gibbons contends in a divorce filing that was unsealed Monday by a court order in Washoe County Family Court.
The governor has insisted that both women were just friends. He filed for divorce in May, citing "incompatibility" with his wife.
In court papers, Dawn Gibbons identified one of the women as Kathy Karrasch, who over several weeks received more than 860 text messages from the governor on his state cellphone.
The governor publicly apologized and reimbursed the state $130. He denied that the messages were "love notes."
The court documents identified the second woman as Leslie Durant, who once posed in Playboy and is the former wife of ex-Reno Mayor Pete Sferrazza.
Jim and Dawn Gibbons were married in June 1986.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Georgia Military Divorce Attorney - Conn. man handcuffed by wife files for divorce
Georgia Military Divorce Attorney - Conn. man handcuffed by wife files for divorce
FAIRFIELD, Conn. (AP) — A Connecticut man is filing for divorce from his wife, who is accused of handcuffing herself to him in a bizarre attempt to reconcile.
In March, Fairfield police said they rescued Robert Drawbaugh at his home, where they found him handcuffed to his wife with bite marks on his torso and arms. They say he managed to use his cell phone to call for help.
Drawbaugh filed divorce papers in Bridgeport Superior Court on Tuesday, saying his seven-year marriage to 37-year-old Helen Sun had "broken down irretrievably."
Sun is charged with assault and other crimes. Police say she told them she used the
handcuffs because it was the only way she could have a full conversation with her husband.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
FAIRFIELD, Conn. (AP) — A Connecticut man is filing for divorce from his wife, who is accused of handcuffing herself to him in a bizarre attempt to reconcile.
In March, Fairfield police said they rescued Robert Drawbaugh at his home, where they found him handcuffed to his wife with bite marks on his torso and arms. They say he managed to use his cell phone to call for help.
Drawbaugh filed divorce papers in Bridgeport Superior Court on Tuesday, saying his seven-year marriage to 37-year-old Helen Sun had "broken down irretrievably."
Sun is charged with assault and other crimes. Police say she told them she used the
handcuffs because it was the only way she could have a full conversation with her husband.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Georgia Military Divorce Attorney - Divorce fair for troubled couples
Georgia Military Divorce Attorney - Divorce fair for troubled couples
A divorce fair, described by its organisers as a wedding fair's "evil twin", has been organised to give advice to troubled couples.
Leicester divorcee Clive Langley said he was encouraged to set up the free event after witnessing the poor advice often given to couples separating.
The fair, being held at Leicester City Football Club's Walkers Stadium, will offer guidance from counsellors.
Various professionals will also be offering help at the fair on 11 June.
“ We want people to stay together, to really stop and think about the affect that it will have on the children ”
Clive Langley
Mr Langley said he wished he had the opportunity to attend a divorce fair when his relationship ended but made it clear the event was not designed to encourage divorce.
He said: "We do not want to encourage people to split up, we would much rather people come along and get advice before they make what can be a life-changing decision."
If current divorce rates continue, 45% of marriages are likely to end in divorce, according to trends from the Office of National Statistics.
Half of those marriages will end in the first 10 years of wedlock.
Clive Langley said he hoped thorough advice and counselling, spouses can resolve their differences rather than end a relationship.
"We want people to stay together, to really stop and think about the affect that it will have on the children," he added.
The event is open to anyone contemplating divorce, people going through the process and co-habiting couples separating.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
A divorce fair, described by its organisers as a wedding fair's "evil twin", has been organised to give advice to troubled couples.
Leicester divorcee Clive Langley said he was encouraged to set up the free event after witnessing the poor advice often given to couples separating.
The fair, being held at Leicester City Football Club's Walkers Stadium, will offer guidance from counsellors.
Various professionals will also be offering help at the fair on 11 June.
“ We want people to stay together, to really stop and think about the affect that it will have on the children ”
Clive Langley
Mr Langley said he wished he had the opportunity to attend a divorce fair when his relationship ended but made it clear the event was not designed to encourage divorce.
He said: "We do not want to encourage people to split up, we would much rather people come along and get advice before they make what can be a life-changing decision."
If current divorce rates continue, 45% of marriages are likely to end in divorce, according to trends from the Office of National Statistics.
Half of those marriages will end in the first 10 years of wedlock.
Clive Langley said he hoped thorough advice and counselling, spouses can resolve their differences rather than end a relationship.
"We want people to stay together, to really stop and think about the affect that it will have on the children," he added.
The event is open to anyone contemplating divorce, people going through the process and co-habiting couples separating.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Augusta Military Divorce Lawyer - In the shadows of overseas deployment
Augusta Military Divorce Lawyer - In the shadows of overseas deployment
by SUSAN OLIVER-NELSON
The war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan are far removed from everyday life for most Americans. Military families, however, live each day in the shadow of what may happen to a loved one deployed overseas. This article is a reminder of the sacrifices these families make that all Americans may enjoy freedom and peace at home.
Since we'd been married, I'd seen my husband for all but two weeks during our eight-year marriage. However, in 2003, he became a medic for the military. I closed my eyes and tried to comprehend what would be next for us and our family -- our country was at war, so deployment was guaranteed.
President Bush, during his March 19, 2003, national address announcing the beginning of U.S. military operations in Iraq, said: "To all the men and women of the United States Armed Forces now in the Middle East, the peace of a troubled world and the hopes of an oppressed people now depend on you. That trust is well-placed."
Like all Americans, my husband and I were affected by Operation Iraqi Freedom. Over the past five years, this has meant Operation Iraqi Freedom Phase I, II and III; Operation Iraqi Freedom 2004-06 and 2006-08. Two tours to Iraq, three anniversaries, nine birthdays, countless holidays and approximately 1,000 days of our lives.
Every relationship is different, and those who've made the military journey through these past six years knows the price paid for losing someone to death, divorce or emotional distress. There's even a price paid for becoming stronger and less eager to fight.
Sometimes those at home are struggling through days feeling left behind -- sometimes even denying the day's existence. Dangerous as it may seem to live among those stricken with grief, it catches little media attention. The interest lies in the progress of a world 8,000 miles away. But for the families, primarily the spouses of those serving, there must be a mask of reality. You must believe you are strong; your marriage must stay "healthy."
In his speech to the marines at Camp Lejeune, N.C., Feb. 27, President Obama said: "For the men and women of America's armed forces -- and for your families -- this war has been one of the most extraordinary chapters of service in the history of our nation. You have endured tour after tour after tour of duty. You have known the dangers of combat and the lonely distance of loved ones. You have fought against tyranny and disorder. You have bled for your best friends and for unknown Iraqis."
The acknowledgment of sacrifice by our leader is sometimes enough to get through the days, however bleak they may be. We remain strong because it's the only thing remaining after a day filled with joy, sadness, parenting, grieving, loneliness, career and more that fill the deployment existence.
Your soldier comes and goes on a 15-day leave and, in the midst of depression, you search for forgiveness to have treated him so badly while he was there. Emotions are stronger than the energy required to be strong.
But what happens when our soldiers come home? What happens then?
The damage of lost time together becomes apparent, and you are left with dismay; you're almost strangers. In many cases for married couples, the time apart has damaged the ability to give unconditional love. It's not one person's fault; a wall of protection separates both from each other -- nature's way of protection from what "might happen." The relationship becomes an operation of tiny battles -- compromise and forgiveness.
Sometimes the soldier's return may be the end of a relationship, a casualty of war. With any luck, your relationship enters into another phase of the war: tearing down the wall and getting to know each other again, and realizing you've accomplished the mission together. Knowing love, peace and happiness is all it takes to be successful at anything.
Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, keep going!" This is how we all must live if we are to survive war -- or any traumatic situations that come our way. Although our decision to pursue military life was our own choice, we still believe we are people who strive for change in this world.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
by SUSAN OLIVER-NELSON
The war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan are far removed from everyday life for most Americans. Military families, however, live each day in the shadow of what may happen to a loved one deployed overseas. This article is a reminder of the sacrifices these families make that all Americans may enjoy freedom and peace at home.
Since we'd been married, I'd seen my husband for all but two weeks during our eight-year marriage. However, in 2003, he became a medic for the military. I closed my eyes and tried to comprehend what would be next for us and our family -- our country was at war, so deployment was guaranteed.
President Bush, during his March 19, 2003, national address announcing the beginning of U.S. military operations in Iraq, said: "To all the men and women of the United States Armed Forces now in the Middle East, the peace of a troubled world and the hopes of an oppressed people now depend on you. That trust is well-placed."
Like all Americans, my husband and I were affected by Operation Iraqi Freedom. Over the past five years, this has meant Operation Iraqi Freedom Phase I, II and III; Operation Iraqi Freedom 2004-06 and 2006-08. Two tours to Iraq, three anniversaries, nine birthdays, countless holidays and approximately 1,000 days of our lives.
Every relationship is different, and those who've made the military journey through these past six years knows the price paid for losing someone to death, divorce or emotional distress. There's even a price paid for becoming stronger and less eager to fight.
Sometimes those at home are struggling through days feeling left behind -- sometimes even denying the day's existence. Dangerous as it may seem to live among those stricken with grief, it catches little media attention. The interest lies in the progress of a world 8,000 miles away. But for the families, primarily the spouses of those serving, there must be a mask of reality. You must believe you are strong; your marriage must stay "healthy."
In his speech to the marines at Camp Lejeune, N.C., Feb. 27, President Obama said: "For the men and women of America's armed forces -- and for your families -- this war has been one of the most extraordinary chapters of service in the history of our nation. You have endured tour after tour after tour of duty. You have known the dangers of combat and the lonely distance of loved ones. You have fought against tyranny and disorder. You have bled for your best friends and for unknown Iraqis."
The acknowledgment of sacrifice by our leader is sometimes enough to get through the days, however bleak they may be. We remain strong because it's the only thing remaining after a day filled with joy, sadness, parenting, grieving, loneliness, career and more that fill the deployment existence.
Your soldier comes and goes on a 15-day leave and, in the midst of depression, you search for forgiveness to have treated him so badly while he was there. Emotions are stronger than the energy required to be strong.
But what happens when our soldiers come home? What happens then?
The damage of lost time together becomes apparent, and you are left with dismay; you're almost strangers. In many cases for married couples, the time apart has damaged the ability to give unconditional love. It's not one person's fault; a wall of protection separates both from each other -- nature's way of protection from what "might happen." The relationship becomes an operation of tiny battles -- compromise and forgiveness.
Sometimes the soldier's return may be the end of a relationship, a casualty of war. With any luck, your relationship enters into another phase of the war: tearing down the wall and getting to know each other again, and realizing you've accomplished the mission together. Knowing love, peace and happiness is all it takes to be successful at anything.
Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, keep going!" This is how we all must live if we are to survive war -- or any traumatic situations that come our way. Although our decision to pursue military life was our own choice, we still believe we are people who strive for change in this world.
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Augusta Military Divorce Attorney - Home from war: Mental wounds burden veterans
Augusta Military Divorce Attorney - Home from war: Mental wounds burden veterans
Gary Pettus
When they call about suicide, he hears it in their voices - in their tight phrases and the telltale pain wedged between them by memory and loss.
No one else sounds like that. They're veterans. They were willing to die for their country.
"Even if they didn't tell me they're one, I know," said T.L. Chandler of Jackson, a veteran of the Iraq and Gulf wars. "They know I'm one, too."
Because he said a program like Contact the Crisis Line saved his life, Chandler, 41, now mans it as a trained volunteer.
The crisis line is not just for veterans, but it and others like it, including the Veterans Affairs Suicide Prevention Lifeline, may get busier as more troops return from Iraq. Last month, which marked the sixth anniversary of the war, the top U.S. commander in Iraq announced that, over the next six months, about 12,000 troops and a fighter squadron would return home without being replaced.
In February, President Barack Obama said a "substantial" number of the 140,000 U.S. troops in Iraq would be home within a year. Many will bring back post-traumatic stress disorder - persistent mental and emotional anxiety - and other problems.
Nearly 20 percent of military service members who return reported symptoms of PTSD or major depression, according to a RAND Corp. study released in April 2008.
Only slightly more than half sought treatment.
In the Army alone, at least 128 soldiers' deaths were confirmed suicides in 2008, compared with 115 in 2007, 102 in 2006 and 87 in 2005, the Army reported in January. Another 15 deaths were being investigating as possible suicides.
Contact the Crisis Line, as part of a nationwide effort by its parent organization Contact USA, is promoting awareness of veterans' needs. All veterans.
"As people return from the war and tell their stories, veterans from previous wars are being reminded of what they went through," said Dorothy Triplett, vice president of the Contact the Crisis Line.
"It triggers their PTSD."
The crisis line handles about 1,000 calls a month, she said. The callers vary from people caught in a domestic-violence trap to those who say they might kill themselves.
"If someone calls the crisis line, it's usually because they are looking for that little piece of hope that's out there," Triplett said.
She doesn't know how many of those callers are veterans; calls are confidential.
But Chandler knows when they call. Sometime ago, he made a call himself.
"If it weren't for a program like this, I wouldn't be here," said the 21-year Army veteran. "I called, and then I got help. Even though we may say we don't need other people to live, we do.
"Remember that movie Castaway? That man who was stranded took a volleyball and made it a person.
"That's kind of how it is.
"When veterans call, I know who they are - by the acronyms and jargon they use," he said.
"They think about the same things I thought about: about not being able to sit down and have a decent conversation with your family.
"About not being able to go to a high school football game because of the loud noises.
"The sounds, the smells. The things that trigger PTSD, and make you think about the horrific incident that still gives you the nightmares, the night sweats. The loss of memory.
"All I thought about was taking away my pain.
"I don't know a vet who hasn't at least thought about suicide."
Chandler is now separated from his wife, he said.
That's a familiar story, said Michelle Beck of Biloxi, wife of Louis Beck, a National Guardsman deployed several times since the first Gulf War.
The story is likely to become even more familiar: Most Iraq and Afghanistan veterans are married, the RAND study reported.
"After troops come home, there are arguments leading to divorce and split-ups," said Beck, 37, outgoing leader of the 113th Military Police Company Family Support Group.
"When my husband comes home, I know to let him do what he wants to do.
"I did that for three months when he got back from Pakistan. Then one day, he really was back. The person I knew.
"Three months, and then it was, 'Oh, there he is.' "
Returning troops not only must confront memories of friends dying in battle.
Many also face money problems.
"That causes marital problems," Chandler said.
A survey conducted in part by the National Military Family Association in 2007 found seven in 10 military families believe they face an extra financial burden by having a member in the military, particularly on active duty.
Still, whatever is troubling a returning veteran, he or she may not ask for help.
"It's pride. That has a lot to do with it," Beck said.
Only 25 to 40 percent of soldiers with mental health problems get help, a report from the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research shows.
"Some don't feel like they're worthy," Chandler said. "They feel guilty.
"Their buddies were killed in action, and they weren't."
At the G.V. "Sonny" Montgomery VA Medical Center in Jackson, Angela Worthy has encountered the guilt of returning veterans.
"We see it quite often," said Worthy, the head of the center's Post Deployment Clinic program, which tries to help troops readjust to civilian life.
"Many also don't seek help because they don't want that stigma on their record."
The VA is trying to reach out to those who need help now, or who may need it one day, said Jeffrey Bennett, a patient advocate in the post-deployment program.
About 4,000 veterans have enrolled in the clinic over the past four years. The goal is to up that by 10 percent within the next six months, he said.
"We have a whole litany of programs, including screenings for depression."
The clinic offers a variety of referral services as well.
"By being what is called a transitional clinic and not a mental health clinic, we remove some of the stigma patients might have in asking for care," said Amanda Ellis, a registered nurse.
As a veteran, Chandler describes the stigma this way: "It strikes at your manhood, or your parenthood, or whatever it is."
His aim is to help other veterans fight off the stigma.
He's pursuing a degree in psychology/counseling at Jackson State University, and hopes to start a veterans' outreach program. Help them get jobs. Help them get help.
"Many who don't need help, or don't believe they do, still feel like they've been put by the wayside, like old garbage," he said.
"Some have lost their jobs. You don't learn how to do job interviews in the Army. You learn how to be a warrior.
"Everybody wants to say, 'thank you for what you've done' to a veteran, and that's good. But a lot of these guys couldn't care less about 'thank you.'
"Give them a job. 'Thank you' don't pay the light bill."
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
Gary Pettus
When they call about suicide, he hears it in their voices - in their tight phrases and the telltale pain wedged between them by memory and loss.
No one else sounds like that. They're veterans. They were willing to die for their country.
"Even if they didn't tell me they're one, I know," said T.L. Chandler of Jackson, a veteran of the Iraq and Gulf wars. "They know I'm one, too."
Because he said a program like Contact the Crisis Line saved his life, Chandler, 41, now mans it as a trained volunteer.
The crisis line is not just for veterans, but it and others like it, including the Veterans Affairs Suicide Prevention Lifeline, may get busier as more troops return from Iraq. Last month, which marked the sixth anniversary of the war, the top U.S. commander in Iraq announced that, over the next six months, about 12,000 troops and a fighter squadron would return home without being replaced.
In February, President Barack Obama said a "substantial" number of the 140,000 U.S. troops in Iraq would be home within a year. Many will bring back post-traumatic stress disorder - persistent mental and emotional anxiety - and other problems.
Nearly 20 percent of military service members who return reported symptoms of PTSD or major depression, according to a RAND Corp. study released in April 2008.
Only slightly more than half sought treatment.
In the Army alone, at least 128 soldiers' deaths were confirmed suicides in 2008, compared with 115 in 2007, 102 in 2006 and 87 in 2005, the Army reported in January. Another 15 deaths were being investigating as possible suicides.
Contact the Crisis Line, as part of a nationwide effort by its parent organization Contact USA, is promoting awareness of veterans' needs. All veterans.
"As people return from the war and tell their stories, veterans from previous wars are being reminded of what they went through," said Dorothy Triplett, vice president of the Contact the Crisis Line.
"It triggers their PTSD."
The crisis line handles about 1,000 calls a month, she said. The callers vary from people caught in a domestic-violence trap to those who say they might kill themselves.
"If someone calls the crisis line, it's usually because they are looking for that little piece of hope that's out there," Triplett said.
She doesn't know how many of those callers are veterans; calls are confidential.
But Chandler knows when they call. Sometime ago, he made a call himself.
"If it weren't for a program like this, I wouldn't be here," said the 21-year Army veteran. "I called, and then I got help. Even though we may say we don't need other people to live, we do.
"Remember that movie Castaway? That man who was stranded took a volleyball and made it a person.
"That's kind of how it is.
"When veterans call, I know who they are - by the acronyms and jargon they use," he said.
"They think about the same things I thought about: about not being able to sit down and have a decent conversation with your family.
"About not being able to go to a high school football game because of the loud noises.
"The sounds, the smells. The things that trigger PTSD, and make you think about the horrific incident that still gives you the nightmares, the night sweats. The loss of memory.
"All I thought about was taking away my pain.
"I don't know a vet who hasn't at least thought about suicide."
Chandler is now separated from his wife, he said.
That's a familiar story, said Michelle Beck of Biloxi, wife of Louis Beck, a National Guardsman deployed several times since the first Gulf War.
The story is likely to become even more familiar: Most Iraq and Afghanistan veterans are married, the RAND study reported.
"After troops come home, there are arguments leading to divorce and split-ups," said Beck, 37, outgoing leader of the 113th Military Police Company Family Support Group.
"When my husband comes home, I know to let him do what he wants to do.
"I did that for three months when he got back from Pakistan. Then one day, he really was back. The person I knew.
"Three months, and then it was, 'Oh, there he is.' "
Returning troops not only must confront memories of friends dying in battle.
Many also face money problems.
"That causes marital problems," Chandler said.
A survey conducted in part by the National Military Family Association in 2007 found seven in 10 military families believe they face an extra financial burden by having a member in the military, particularly on active duty.
Still, whatever is troubling a returning veteran, he or she may not ask for help.
"It's pride. That has a lot to do with it," Beck said.
Only 25 to 40 percent of soldiers with mental health problems get help, a report from the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research shows.
"Some don't feel like they're worthy," Chandler said. "They feel guilty.
"Their buddies were killed in action, and they weren't."
At the G.V. "Sonny" Montgomery VA Medical Center in Jackson, Angela Worthy has encountered the guilt of returning veterans.
"We see it quite often," said Worthy, the head of the center's Post Deployment Clinic program, which tries to help troops readjust to civilian life.
"Many also don't seek help because they don't want that stigma on their record."
The VA is trying to reach out to those who need help now, or who may need it one day, said Jeffrey Bennett, a patient advocate in the post-deployment program.
About 4,000 veterans have enrolled in the clinic over the past four years. The goal is to up that by 10 percent within the next six months, he said.
"We have a whole litany of programs, including screenings for depression."
The clinic offers a variety of referral services as well.
"By being what is called a transitional clinic and not a mental health clinic, we remove some of the stigma patients might have in asking for care," said Amanda Ellis, a registered nurse.
As a veteran, Chandler describes the stigma this way: "It strikes at your manhood, or your parenthood, or whatever it is."
His aim is to help other veterans fight off the stigma.
He's pursuing a degree in psychology/counseling at Jackson State University, and hopes to start a veterans' outreach program. Help them get jobs. Help them get help.
"Many who don't need help, or don't believe they do, still feel like they've been put by the wayside, like old garbage," he said.
"Some have lost their jobs. You don't learn how to do job interviews in the Army. You learn how to be a warrior.
"Everybody wants to say, 'thank you for what you've done' to a veteran, and that's good. But a lot of these guys couldn't care less about 'thank you.'
"Give them a job. 'Thank you' don't pay the light bill."
Alexandra Gonzalez-Waddington is an Augusta GA divorce lawyer & Georgia Military Divorce Lawyer Augusta Georgia domestic mediator. She is an Augusta military divorce lawyer, GA child custody attorney , and Augusta Georgia child support attorney. She offers mediation for divorce, child custody, and child support.
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