Augusta GA Military Divorce Lawyer - Married to the military
Marine Corps couple faces conflict of duty and ‘I do&rsquo
By MEGAN STOKES
As the daughter of a career U.S. Army corporal, Jamie Wheeler understands that her relationship with Lance Corporal Robert Conniff is second priority to the Marine Corps.
“I love the military so it was not hard to accept,” Wheeler said. “I know he would do anything for me as long as it is not against the Marine Corps.
It is just as important to me as it is to him.” Wheeler, 18, and Conniff, 20, married on May 23 on the Orlando Navy base within the Central Florida Research Park — the first wedding in the base’s history. Both Conniff and Wheeler are in the U.S. Marine Corps.
Minutes after saying their ‘I dos’ the couple admitted they have a tough road ahead of them. The military stationed them together — Wheeler joined Conniff in Honolulu, Hawaii, on June 3 — the day after she graduated from Oviedo High School. But they rarely coordinate deployments and Conniff’s job in the Marines, as fire direction control specialist, is a highly deployable duty. “It is more complicated with both of us in the military,” Conniff said. “We plan to handle it one day at a time.” The couple has already begun adjusting to frequent separations. The wedding was the first time they reunited since September. Conniff has lived in Hawaii for two years and recently returned from a tour in Iraq. But as the old saying goes, absence can make the heart grow fonder.
“I think being in the military can actually help a marriage,” said Conniff’s best man Marine Cpl. Randall Wagner, 20, who said he and his wife learned not to sweat the small stuff after his first deployment.
“We used to fight all the time. But now we know how precious our time can be. You have to have fun while you can; basically live like you’re dying. It can build a relationship.”
Dale Marteney taught both Conniff and Wheeler in Oviedo High School’s Junior ROTC program. Marteney spent 30 years in the Navy and 36 years married to his wife, Vicki. The two admit that it is difficult mixing marriage with military.
During deployment they took on certain roles — for Vicki it was full run of the household and for Dale it was full run of his troops — but when he returned they had to surrender some of that control, as well as deal with the trauma he may have faced overseas.
“For six, seven or eight months you are the boss and then that changes,” he said. “You have to be more tolerant and sensitive to the circumstances.”
Vicki added that in a normal relationship people grow together on a daily basis, but when a couple endures frequent separations they change without one another, which can pose some issues. Fanita Jackson, Orlando Veterans Affairs Medical Center program manager and licensed clinical social worker, said that even if both husband and wife are in the military, the problems they face when coming home from war will still be extremely challenging.
“These are young people facing the challenges any newlyweds face — where to live, which home to buy, when to start a family — but with the added issues of readjusting to one another post-deployment and dealing with things like PTSD, social withdrawal and isolation,” she said. Last year the number of divorces among active duty military couples rose to 3.6 percent, meaning that 25,750 of 754,255 marriages ended in divorce, according to the U.S. Department of Anniversaries, Birthdays, Family Reunions, Company Events - There’s always a good reason to Buca Defense Web site. DOD spokesman Lt. Col. Les Melnyk said this number has climbed each year over the last five years.
Jackson recommends that every soldier returning from battle seek counseling alone and with their spouse to make their marriage stronger and healthier.
Wheeler and Conniff will experience their first separation as a married couple when Wheeler goes to boot camp this fall at Paris Island, S.C. “The nine months he spent in boot camp were hard because we could not talk at all. This time [during his tour in Iraq] he bought lots of phone cards and I used Yahoo messenger. It was not too bad. Plus he had already been living in Hawaii so we were used to the distance,” she said. “Now I just keep looking forward to him coming home. You accept it, stay faithful and trusting, suck it up and work through it.” As a “military brat” Wheeler watched her parents deal with deployments and reunions. Her father, Army Col. Kenneth Wheeler, said being a military couple made them more reliant on each other because of frequent station changes.
“It can make you a stronger couple. You rely on each other. You make new friends each time you move but you have to realize that your best friend is with you,” he said. Wheeler and Conniff met in karate class a decade ago but it was not until high school that they became friends and eventually started dating.
“At first I was surprised about her getting married so young but they are right for each other. I could tell looking at her that [wedding] day,” said her older sister Holly Wheeler. “I think it helps with our parents being a military couple. We saw them make it through and work it out, even though it was hard seeing them separated at times.”
Jackson said marrying young is typical in the military for many reasons; one being that the awesome responsibility placed on their shoulders makes them feel older.
“You take on a huge responsibility when you join the military so it makes you think you can take on the responsibility of marriage,” she said. “So they are not only going to war, they are growing up together.”
To curb the number of split marriages, DOD rolled out supportive measures in addition to the existing family assistance program that offers transitional assistance as well as financial, marriage and individual counseling. For example, the Marines now offers the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program, a two-day workshop on conflict management, problem solving and communication.
According to a DOD press release, the top four problems in military relationships involved communication, parenting, money and sexual intimacy.
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